I was looking all over for my cell phone earlier today. I was talking to a friend about an upcoming project we're working on together, and I needed to check something on my calendar that I knew was on the phone but not the wall calendar.
"I'm great at multi-tasking! Why can't I find my phone?" I thought.
Looked and looked and looked...for 12 whole minutes.
And then I realized I was having the conversation with my friend...on my cell phone.
I own my blonde moments.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Every Mom is a Working Mom
Who has it easier--the Working Mom, or the Stay-at-Home Mom? My, my, my. This question will likely never go away, as long as there are moms in the world.
My answer? Neither. I've been on both sides.
I used to get irritated as a Working Mom when people would ask how I could leave my baby with someone else. I would be a bit heartbroken when someone would remind me that I might be missing out on a milestone. Someone once actually asked me why I had a child if I couldn't really spend any time with her. Seriously. WTH.
I'm a college-educated woman who grew up after women's rights were fairly well in place. I have choices. We had our first child fairly early into our marriage, when we were young enough to just be starting out in our world as adults but old enough to make smart decisions. I went back to work less than 6 weeks after having our first child--because I had bills to pay. We'd bought our first house less than a year prior to me having our first baby. We had a car payment. And I wanted to put my degree to use. I *wanted* to work.
Shortly before my second child was born, we decided it'd be best for one of us to stay home with the kids. I was actually making more money than my husband, so initially we thought it'd be my husband staying home, but then I got pregnant, and it didn't make sense for me to be the one working still for OUR family. That will not be the case for all families, and it's no one's place to judge.
I'd spent several years trying to be a Stay-at-Home Mom and juggle working-from-home. Friends who worked in an office setting didn't really think of me as a Working Mom. I'd work while the kids napped, slept, or played by my feet. I'd stay up until 1:00 a.m. to have quiet time to get things done. That was the most exhausting few years ever. In an office setting, the Working Mom can at least make a professional phone call without having to worry about whether or not someone will start wailing mid-call. A Working Mom in an office can take a bathroom break with out tiny feet following her into the one room she should have alone for five minutes. I can attest to this, because I've been in both positions.
I am grateful I've had both experiences--I think it's helped me to leave my judgement in the parking lot of the playground. I am the Mom who volunteers for my kids' classes--making treats (allergen-free, of course), planning games, helping the teacher do her job with small groups for spelling, math, reading. I am the Mom who drives my kids and their friends to activities, sports, the mall.
Someone recently said to me that I seem busy in the afternoon driving my kids to their various activities, but it isn't that bad because I have all day to sit around. All day? Who do you think cleans my house? Who do you think does my grocery shopping? Who do you think helps my kids and yours up at school? Who do you think volunteers in the community to set an example for my kids and yours? Who do you think works out for me? Who do you think is driving for the carpool? Who do you think is volunteering over and over and over to be the Room Mom?
I've been on both sides. For myself--I would say it's been more difficult being a Stay-at-Home Mom. I try too hard to be SuperMom. I feel judged by women in their beautiful suits with designer purses when I walk into a store with my probably-not-washed hair and yoga pants. I run a volunteer group that takes up a good solid 25-40 hours a week of my time--and I don't get paid for it.
I wish women could just learn to support each other rather than to say one type of Mom is better than another.
Time to go clean the toilets now.
My answer? Neither. I've been on both sides.
I used to get irritated as a Working Mom when people would ask how I could leave my baby with someone else. I would be a bit heartbroken when someone would remind me that I might be missing out on a milestone. Someone once actually asked me why I had a child if I couldn't really spend any time with her. Seriously. WTH.
I'm a college-educated woman who grew up after women's rights were fairly well in place. I have choices. We had our first child fairly early into our marriage, when we were young enough to just be starting out in our world as adults but old enough to make smart decisions. I went back to work less than 6 weeks after having our first child--because I had bills to pay. We'd bought our first house less than a year prior to me having our first baby. We had a car payment. And I wanted to put my degree to use. I *wanted* to work.
Shortly before my second child was born, we decided it'd be best for one of us to stay home with the kids. I was actually making more money than my husband, so initially we thought it'd be my husband staying home, but then I got pregnant, and it didn't make sense for me to be the one working still for OUR family. That will not be the case for all families, and it's no one's place to judge.
I'd spent several years trying to be a Stay-at-Home Mom and juggle working-from-home. Friends who worked in an office setting didn't really think of me as a Working Mom. I'd work while the kids napped, slept, or played by my feet. I'd stay up until 1:00 a.m. to have quiet time to get things done. That was the most exhausting few years ever. In an office setting, the Working Mom can at least make a professional phone call without having to worry about whether or not someone will start wailing mid-call. A Working Mom in an office can take a bathroom break with out tiny feet following her into the one room she should have alone for five minutes. I can attest to this, because I've been in both positions.
I am grateful I've had both experiences--I think it's helped me to leave my judgement in the parking lot of the playground. I am the Mom who volunteers for my kids' classes--making treats (allergen-free, of course), planning games, helping the teacher do her job with small groups for spelling, math, reading. I am the Mom who drives my kids and their friends to activities, sports, the mall.
Someone recently said to me that I seem busy in the afternoon driving my kids to their various activities, but it isn't that bad because I have all day to sit around. All day? Who do you think cleans my house? Who do you think does my grocery shopping? Who do you think helps my kids and yours up at school? Who do you think volunteers in the community to set an example for my kids and yours? Who do you think works out for me? Who do you think is driving for the carpool? Who do you think is volunteering over and over and over to be the Room Mom?
I've been on both sides. For myself--I would say it's been more difficult being a Stay-at-Home Mom. I try too hard to be SuperMom. I feel judged by women in their beautiful suits with designer purses when I walk into a store with my probably-not-washed hair and yoga pants. I run a volunteer group that takes up a good solid 25-40 hours a week of my time--and I don't get paid for it.
I wish women could just learn to support each other rather than to say one type of Mom is better than another.
Time to go clean the toilets now.
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