To the One Mom (though I'm sure there are more)

To the One Mom who seems to think it’s ok to judge me or my kid:

I am not in competition with you.  Neither is my child. 

Please do not hide under the guise of being a “Christian woman,” only to nitpick and gossip about me or my child.  Especially my child.  You are an adult.  Your kids hear you, mimic you, and will become very much like you as they get older.  So if Christian-based learning is what you are hoping for them, you should consider taking a step back and thinking about what that means to you as you go about your day-to-day living. 

I love my children, and I support them in their daily lives, whether it is with their academics, sports, arts, or spare time.  I recognize that they have their individual talents and “gifts,” but I also acknowledge that they are not perfect.  Nor am I.  Truly, I do not believe that any person is perfect.  But I think that’s ok. We couldn’t continue to grow, flourish, or evolve, if we were perfect, and I think an enjoyable part of life is having the opportunity to grow, flourish, and evolve. 

And guess what?  I support your child, too.  I think it’s ok to be happy with someone else’s success, and to be sad for someone else’s less-than-successful moments.  To empathize.  To sympathize.

So when I find out that you, who hasn’t really spoken to me since mid-summer, for reasons petty and dripping with insecurity, asks my child how a particular event went, I find myself feeling disappointed.  In you.  You weren’t asking out of care or concern for my child.  You were asking out of petty-minded hopefulness for my child to fail. 

How do I know?  Because after my daughter said no, that she didn’t get accepted this time, you turned to other moms and snickered and started to gossip as she walked away.  People notice these things, just so you know. 

Here’s the thing:  My daughter, sad as she was that she didn’t get in this time, has shaken off her disappointment.  She is ready to work hard and try again next time.  Guess what?  She’s also sad for your daughter, who also didn’t make it in, because she sympathizes with the feeling of disappointment.  She thinks of your daughter as her friend.  She’s not ashamed of herself for not succeeding this time.  And she shouldn’t be.  She’s proud of herself for trying again, for thinking it was easier this time, for knowing she’s a little closer to her goal if she keeps working hard. 

And here’s another thing: My daughter is happy for the kids who did make it in, who are succeeding, and who are working hard and being rewarded.  She is proud of her friends.  And that makes me even more proud of her.  She has a good heart.  I hope she always does.

As I get older and see who and what is truly important to me, I am happy to say that I do try to surround myself with the people who reflect upon me positively.  I use the term “reflect” because I think it describes a friendship or relationship well—if you shine your light and you shine it with kindness, it’s going to light up someone’s life, and that person will reflect the light of kindness right back to you. 

So, to you, One Mom—as much as I’d love to just go up to you and tell you I think your spirit is a little jaded, I won’t do that.  I will hope for you to someday have an epiphany and figure out how to shine a light of kindness rather than cast a shadow on those in your path.